Later the same day I made my last post, I talked with my Dad, and I knew. It was time. I called a couple of my good friends, had a long, intense cry, and started making preparations. Continue reading
This is going to be a more depressing post. I apologize.
The renewed interest in food was brief. She is still eating better but not enough. She’s getting maybe a can a day. She tends to eat a little at least. But not as much as that first day. Some of it is pickiness (she seems to prefer the not soupy variety), but some of it is depression/lack of interest/lack of appetite.
She is pretty depressed most days. Even going to work no longer cheers her up like it used to. And Clover still provides stimulus, but greatly diminished. Today was especially hard for me. She was having trouble walking, slipping and sliding her legs out from under her. Staying standing is proving tricky, and walking is very sway/tetter-tottery.
Her water intake, which had been phenomenal, is also becoming noticeably less. Accidents no longer worry me, everything else is deteriorating before my eyes.
I’ll preface this my saying I’ve been averaging 4-6 hrs of sleep most nights (some due to Patchy, some due to other things [Clover, and a false smoke alarm]), which means I’m at a point of emotional vulnerability. Maybe I’m overreacting or reading too much into this, but I’m thinking it might be time to finish off the bucket list and say goodbyes.
One of my biggest worries has been about Patchy’s diminished appetite. She often eats less than a can of wet food a day. Usually nothing, or half a can. Once in a while she’ll have ‘binge’ day and eat a can and a half, maybe 2. But those usually come after a few days of little to nothing eaten.
Out of growing concern, I started cooking pork chops and other ‘human’ foods, to entice her to eat her wet food. Drop some pork chop in, and see if she would eat the food around it too. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn’t. She was obviously hungry and interested in food, just not wanting what was being served. (She would eat treats, and leftover human food when she could get it). Continue reading
I meant to write this a few days ago, right after the checkup on Wednesday, but things got in the way.
Patchy went in for a checkup with the oncologist on Wednesday. He said everything looked good, including her blood work from that day. He assured me that the increasing amount of blood in her urine wasn’t anything I should be worried about. It could be good (her tumor is dissolving), it could be bad (the tumor is becoming more aggressive), or it could mean nothing (her body is just fighting harder). We won’t know what’s going on until her ultrasound in another 4 weeks. Its too early at this point to see any real effects of the chemo. Continue reading
Sleep continues to remain elusive. I’m typing this at 3am. Patchy spent the last hour pacing and going in and out the back door. I finally resigned myself to not sleeping and gave her a second dinner, which clearly was her goal. Apparently meals are middle of the night now too.
I can’t really blame her. She eats so irregularly. She hardly ate anything Saturday, but i believe she had at least one bowl earlier today (Sunday). She binges and starves, binges and starves. Continue reading
First, I’ll preface this by saying, we had a great weekend. The girls went to the beach and had a terrific time in Santa Cruz. But, I’m gonna start with the bad, and end on a high note.
Patchy is starting to deteriorate further. Starting last night at about ~8:30pm, she started peeing in her beds. Normally, she’ll get up and pace until either I notice her or she gives up and pees, avoiding where she sleeps. But last night, she didn’t. I think she was either sleeping so deeply that she peed in her sleep, or it snuck up on her, and she didn’t have time to even get up and walk away. It seems she did get up during part of it, as there was a trail, starting where she had been sleeping, and ending on a nearby blanket. Continue reading
Patchy’s appetite continues to be erratic. Some days she eats 2 or more meals, others she doesn’t eat anything. It’s worrisome. I’ve hand fed her a few times, but it isn’t my preference. (I don’t usually have the time to stop everything in the morning and feed her for 15 minutes, though the bonding time is very precious to me.)
Patchy is having more accidents in the house again. She seems to go through phases where a couple days are just bad for her, and others are completely normal. She had 2 accidents in the house yesterday (midday and late evening) and two this morning alone. We also left her and Clover in the garage two evenings in a row when we went out to dinner. She peed, and left a bloody drip trail behind.
Varying levels of blood is in her urine is expected. I confirmed via email with the oncologist yesterday. And her constant straining to pee is also in the norm. As long as she still is urinating, we’re in good shape. He told me, if she’s straining and not getting anything out, thats when we really need to worry.
I came home to my parents place to spend some time with them, and focus on Patchy. Her appetite seems to be holding steady. She is less interested in breakfast in the morning, but is eating fairly regularly at night. She’s had two accidents at my parents house (today and yesterday) but had diapers on both times. Thank you inventor of doggie diapers. Continue reading
I feel bad. She’s been consistently having accidents every morning now, before we leave for work. I let her out first thing (and she pees) and within an hour, while I’m cooking breakfast or getting dressed, she pees in the house. Thankfully this morning it was on linoleum and not the carpet. I’ve taken to isolating her in my bedroom when I’m home in the afternoon/evenings, and it appears I’ll need to do the same in the mornings. (My bedroom is linoleum, and has an open door to the backyard.) She looks so forlorn when I force her to be in my bedroom, but its necessary for her to avoid more indoor accidents. Especially with her starting chemo, and her fluids needing to be “handled with gloves.”